Confessions of An Athosian Mother
by Cielito
Summary: Yes, her son is Athosian, and someday he will be a great farmer following in the footsteps of his father; Teyla/Kanaan, Teyla/John


**Category:**fic

**Title:** Confessions of an Athosian Mother

**Author:** jeyla4ever

**Rating:** G

**Warnings:**Post Season 5

**Disclaimer:** The characters, etc, of SGA don't belong to us. For fun, not profit.

**Size:** 1593 words

**File Format:** word

**Comments: **Written for the SGA Beya John and Teyla Secret Elf Exchange back in December 2010 for RubyCaspar.

Confessions of an Athosian Mother

She walked into the room wearing one of her Athosian sleeping garments. She went directly to the crib and Torren started laughing the minute he saw her.

"Good morning my love. You let mommy sleep late this morning. The Ancestors must favor me for bringing you to my life." With careful hands, she lifted Torren John from the crib and sat down in a wooden rocking chair in the corner of her room overlooking the bright lights and the oceanic waters of the seas. Slowly, she unbuttoned her night dress slightly exposing her breast.

"Did you enjoy your time with your father in New Athos?" She glance down at the widening eyes of her son as he greedily sucked on her breast. Softly, Teyla lifted a stray of hair that was just above his eyes.

She had missed her son greatly along with their morning routines. After her injury only a few weeks ago, it had taken her some time to fully recover and she intended to make the most of that time with her son. While in the infirmary, she only had limited access to him since it wasn't the best place for her young son to be in and besides, Kanaan never felt comfortable in there either. He had come back to Atlantis and had remained with her throughout her entire recovery helping out with Torren John the entire time.

Although they no longer shared quarters with one another as lovers, it was still comforting to know that she could rely on Kanaan to be there when she most needed him to watch over their son. That fact alone warmed her heart for it was one too many times what kept her awake on many lonely and restless nights. True, John had assured her before Torren was even born that regardless of what happened to her that he would always protect and watch over her son, and she knew John meant every word of it and never questioned it, but nothing could replace a child's love like that of his father. She knew that from first hand experience and she would do everything in her power for her child to grow up with both of his parents. Nevertheless, with the realities of her life, it let her sleep better at night knowing that both Kanaan and John were there if she should ever be unable to be there for her son. And that was all she could ever ask for in those whom she cared for the most.

Still, she really did miss having Kanaan in the city. She had fought extremely hard to make her relationship with Kanaan last. For too long she had convinced herself that the ancestors had answered her plea as to where her relationship should lead with Kanaan with the unexpected news of her pregnancy. Since John Sheppard had arrived in her life, she had not bedded any man's bed, for her eyes and her mind had strayed elsewhere. But Kanaan surprised her and in her vulnerable state and her strong urge for companionship, she found herself in the arms of the one whom had sought her presence since their childhood. Never had she imagined Kanaan as more than just a friend. But when everything crashed, when she was at her lowest in her life, it was he who gave her comfort and strength.

At the time it had felt right and it was right. She would never regret her restless nights with Kanaan for it was with him whom she found what she most needed and he offered it to her freely and without any bonds of commitment in return. That's what drove her back to him and what ultimately caused her to surrender to the one she always knew was never the one she desired.

Ultimately, it was Kanaan who ended their relationship, but it was she who cast him aside first. And it was also she who decided never to pursue reconciliation, either. She wasn't sure why, but all she knew was that it was his decision and she wasn't going to stand against it. There was no point in continuing a life whose only purpose relied on the love of their son. And as much as she would have continued that life, and been happy enough, Kanaan wanted more-more of something she had no control of, more of what her heart could not give to him. She tried, oh did she ever tried, but in the end, she didn't even quite understand it herself.

Yet, she wasn't blind and she knew that Kanaan had grown restless. He became extremely quiet and sheltered and ultimately, he went back to live with their people, the Athosians. There was something hidden and stirring in his soul and she sensed it even strongly when she spent the last couple of days with her people recovering from her latest ordeal. He had started a conversation with her about the dangers of living in Atlantis. He was worried about her and her son now that he was in New Athos and no longer beside her. She felt warmed and loved by his concern, but she assured him that there was no reason for his worry for her safety or their son's. She was confident that no matter what, John and the rest of the team would always watch over Torren regardless of him being there or not. In the last couple of days before she returned to Atlantis, she felt that he was at ease with her decision. He had every right to fear for his son but there was no doubt in her mind that in Atlantis was where she and her son belonged. It was then that she finally admitted that it was over between her and Kanaan long before it had even started.

But this morning, she felt renewed. As if some weight was finally lifted off her shoulders after her discussion with Kanaan. No matter how their relationship ended, she cared for Kanaan deeply and she knew he would always be a part of her life. For everyday, she would be reminded of his presence in her life in the eyes and in the mirrored reflection within the soulful eyes of her son. That alone was something she cherished and treasured beyond anything and anyone else, for it was her child that gave her purpose, meaning and strength in a time when she thought she had nothing and no one by her side.

And yet, she knew that she there was one she could always count on; John Sheppard.

The man entered her life by accident, but she thanked the Ancestors every night for his presence in her life. Their bond sometimes confused and disturbed her and for the longest time she thought they could have something more than just friendship. But John Sheppard was not the settling type of man, and she craved so much more from him. Still, she would suffice with just being by his side, and nothing would ever change that. The only time she thought of leaving Atlantis was when she was pregnant with Torren John, but John eased her mind and shown such warmth for her son that it only reassured her of her decision to remain at his side, as part of his team.

As Torren fiddled beneath her arms she noticed the little one was already complaining against her grasp. He was just a little over his first year of life, but well on his way to independence. Soon, he would wriggle his way out from her arms hoping to find something mischievous in his way.

"This is our last day together before I return to active duty. What shall we do? Would you like to go back to Uncle Rodney's lab or would you prefer to see Uncle John's golf match?"

She could have sworn his eyes opened wider at the mention of John's name. The two had been spending some time together and she figured it had something to do with Kanaan no longer around in the city. She cherished those times when it was just the three of them. Something about it always misted her eyes and softened her heart.

"It is much too early to go on the pier; however, how does a nice warm bath sound to you? I have all those toys you like so much ready for you in the tub." She put an extra emphasis on the word toys and she got just the effect she had wanted.

Torren sprung from under her grasp and started running around the room excitedly waiting for those toys.

"After, we can go find John and see if we can go for a picnic up on the pier. Would you like that my love?"

As if in cue, Torren started laughing and running around the room, his arms up in the air pretending to be flying in mid-air just as John had taught him.

Yes, her son is Athosian, and someday he will be a great farmer following in the footsteps of his father; but for some reason, at times like these, she wondered if her son would ever be recognized as an Athosian or dare she even confess, that Torren John is really a child born of a Lantian father.


End file.
